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Monday, August 29, 2011

Change is Good Right?



While I'm waiting for the synopsis and query's to roll in I thought I'd post about something  that have been on my mind lately.  Change.

Change can be exciting and scary.  Why?  For me it is the unknown.  How can you possible know what is lurking around the next corner?  Even if it is something that you have strived for, how can you know it is going to be better or worse?  Maybe it's neither?  Maybe it's just different.

Different is what is happening in my life right now.  It's not good, it's not bad, it's just different.  You see my Dad is in the process of rebuilding his home.  Now what you have to understand is this is my childhood home that I grew up in.  The reason the house is being rebuilt is my father is getting older, oh, he's still young now, but we are thinking down the road a bit.  You  see, I live two hours away in Rhode Island, my sister lives a good forty five minutes away in New York.  Basically we wanted someone to be there for him if he needed it.  The obvious choice was my sister since she lives in the same state and is forty five minutes away compared to my two hours.  So she is moving him with her family.

They are getting close to being able to finish the inside in the next few months.  They are supposed to be moving in by the end of October.  Believe it not, but that is not to far away.  I know I know.

My husband and I drove down with the kids on the 18th of August.  We went to the Bronx Zoo, and had a great time.  I'm always amazed at how large (250 acres) and well maintained it is.  We saw the seals, the bears, the tigers, the birds, the monkeys, everything.  We walked all 250 acres of that zoo.  We got there when it opened at 10am, and left after closing 5pm.  Then we took the short drive on the sprain brook to my father house.

As we pulled up the street I saw the house in the distance and the tears started to come.  It was beautiful, it was horrible.  It was different.  It was no longer my childhood house.  My son asked me if I was okay, why was I crying.  My husband brushed it off and told the boys mommy was just a little emotional right now.  He knew to leave me alone and I would be fine once the initial shock was over.

I walked up the driveway and decided there was no way I could go inside. I saw my sister walk inside, but I wasn't ready to see her.  I wasn't ready to see anyone, especially the house.  So I walked outside the house to the backyard.  The backyard was gone. Not that it had a big yard in the first place.  They extended the house so what yard there was is now even smaller.

I finally got myself to walk into the house.  I was okay at this point.  I said hello to my sister and my nieces, six and three.  They are so cute and so excited about their new house and to be living with Grandpa.  I was given the tour of the house by my sister, then my Dad.  I told them honestly I was upset that my bedroom was gone.  It took some getting used to.  But it had to be done, and I was the one who encouraged them to do it.

The house looks great and when it is finished it is going to be gorgeous!  I hope they spend many years to come in it. I'm so envious, but I also know that my time will come.  After all, she got the house in New York, but I have the cabin on the pond!  I'll keep the pond. 

13 comments:

  1. Change is always hard. When my parents sold the house I grew up in it was physically painful, even though I didn't live there anymore and wouldn't have again. It's the loss of familiarity. The feeling of finality that you can't go back. And it's hard to imagine what it looks like now, who lives there, etc. Even if I went back, it wouldn't be the same. Hang in there, Cynthia. You'll get used to it eventually, even if it hurts.

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  2. I went through some of the emotions you described here when I found out my family home was flooded during Irene. It was just the basement but that has all the childhood toys and things that I don't have room for now but had always planned to draw on someday. And now I can't. It sounds like your sister and father are doing their best to combine their lives and as a writer, I'd be glad for the cabin on the pond too.

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  3. I understand that feeling. I own the house I grew up in, and I've had to change so much because of the toll that time has taken on it. It's so much different than what it was. I feel guilty, but the changes had to be made to save it. It's important for your dad to do this while he is young enough to. My parents waited too long, and now they are basically trapped to one floor of their house. My dad feels guilty that he didn't make the changes he should have while he was still young enough to.

    I hope you haven't been hit by too much rain.

    And I didn't realize you were looking at queries to. I just thought you were looking at synopses. My queries usually need tweaking... though right now, my current query is getting a lot of hits from agents, so I'm afraid to make any real changes to it.

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  4. Change can be tough, but also exciting. I hope the new house works out!

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  5. That had to be a lot to take in all at once. Especially with home being that one safe place where nothing horrible lingers. Hopefully you'll create new memories in the finished house that make it feel just as welcoming and loving as the old one.

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  6. Change is always hard, especially with a house that holds so many memories. Nice to meet you, fellow campaigner :)

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  7. Hi, fellow Campaigner here.

    Saying goodbye to significant places in our lives is never easy. Glad you are choosing to look at the positives in that situation.

    See you out there....

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  8. Yeah, change is tough. I send you my thoughts to help you through. Great fodder for a character, though.

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  9. Change is hard for a lot of people I think. I don't know what I would do should it come up that my childhood home be remodeled. I think crying is an appropriate response. You still have a place to make new memories though=)

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  10. I've been thinking a lot about change lately, too!

    My parents still live in the house I grew up in, but it's way too big for them now, and the yard is too much to keep up. They keep talking about selling it, and each time I feel a little stab in my heart. I want what's best for them, but at the same time, I really want to hold on to the physical representation of my memories.

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  11. Hello, fellow campaigner here.

    My parents always seem to be decorating, even at their age, but luckily it has stayed the same the whole time. All of us live away, myself in another country. Change is scary.

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  12. Hi Cynthia, hoping all is well after Irene and feel for you with the "change" experience.... hang in there.
    I am a newbie campaigner and looking forward to getting to know you. Just had a quick look at some of your posts and you have some interesting topics, so will look forward to popping back for a read. I am also on FB as Diane Tulloch. Look forward to hearing from you.

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  13. The only constant is change. I don't know where I heard that from, but I it's something I tell myself in times like yours. Hold on and keeping looking for the good!

    I'm dropping by from the hop at Kate Larkindale's blog, but I didn't see your entry. Maybe you could direct me?

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