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Monday, October 24, 2011

Stand Out Synopsis: Just Justice MG


Although he isn’t able to find anything on the internet about the strange website, with Pete’s help he discovers a newspaper article over Jenny’s death four years before. All the other kids pictured on the website come up as reported missing.

When Jenny next appears, she tells Tad about her own tragic death and the role her older sister played in it. She tries to use Tad’s pity to convince him that Dorks was responsible for Dan’s behavior, but Tad knows this is not true. Realizing that Jenny is after Dorks, Tad goes after her and finds her at a party with Dan. As a gigantic bag of firecrackers explodes, Dorks throws herself over Tad to protect him, proving that she still cares.

Tad convinces Dorks to take him home, but knows it won’t do any good. Jenny materializes above them and announces her intentions to destroy Dorks as a final act of friendship. Sisters like Dorks—sister’s like Jenny’s had been—must receive due justice. (Get rid of the line.  I don't think you need sisters like Jenny's, stay with Tad and his story)

As Jenny’s wrath is set in motion, Tad notices Dorks’ laptop in her backpack and tells her to quickly write a complaint to www.JustJustice.mag about Jenny. Just before death rolls over them, the complaint is sent off and Jenny is sucked up into the computer, never to be seen again. (Does this last part happen on their way home from the party?)

Okay I think Tonja has done a great job on this.  I didn't find to much to work on and what I did find I think are fairly easy fixes.  Those are my red lines now it's your turn to give Tonja your red lines.  Please put them in the comments!



I told you if I recieved an entry you would be the first to know.  Well I am happy to report that I have received an entry for Stand Out Synopsis.  I want to thank Tonja Drecker for submitting her synopsis for review.  A side note:  You will notice the synopsis is posted as a whole.  The last 3 or 4 paragraphs are what I want to consentrate on though. Those are the paragraphs Tonja has asked for help on.  I did this because the paragraphs are short and it gives us a better feel for the entire work.

If your synposis is on the shorter side, please (1 to 2 pages tops)  I will post the entire sysnopsis.  Please use reason when submitting.

I have read the synopsis and have entered my notes in red for you to see. Remember, please add you recommendations and advice for Tonja in the comments section of the post.  And be nice, we are all here to help each other out.  :-)


Title: Just Justice
Author: Tonja Drecker
Genre: Middle-Grade
Fifth-grade Tad Bradford’s older sister, Dorothy (a.k.a. Dorks), has turned into the world’s largest jerk. Thanks to her, and a knack for finding trouble, Tad is facing detention and hence being grounded from Saturday’s baseball game. When his attempts to fix the situation fail he looks for help from a website promising to solve all problems, www.JustJustice.mag.  However, he is careful not to mention the ongoing war with Dorks—he wants to deal with her personally. ( I have no problem here. It sounds good to me)

Almost miraculously, a bee-sting sends his teacher to the hospital before she can make his detention official, saving his chance to go to the baseball game. It does not take long before new troubles pile up and are promptly referred to www.JustJustice.mag ( I must admit this sentence bothers me. How are they referred to the web site?) Freak accidents causing broken arms and legs follow, insuring that all  problems vanish – but only for Tad.

Jenny, a girl pictured on the website, appears one night in his bedroom, claiming to be the reason behind his good fortune. (That would freak me out) All she wants in return is his friendship. Tad believes she is a figment of his imagination, his sub-conscious releasing feelings of guilt. Still, (Not sure you need Still) after his next visit to www.JustJustice.mag solves his problems by breaking his teacher’s legs, Tad decides not to use the website again.

In Dorks’ diary Tad discovers the reason behind her strange behavior; her boy-friend is the neighborhood bully, Dan Natters. (Can you tell us why she is acting strange? I'd put the boyfriend part in a separate sentence.  I keep wanting to read it as one and it's confusing that way.) Dorks threatens to send Dan after Tad if he divulges her secret to anyone. Jenny is furious that Tad isn’t seeking her assistance anymore and reminds him that as his friend, she will always be there to help him - especially to resolve his dispute with Dorks. But Tad is too creeped-out to want anything from Jenny, he just wants but Jenny to leave him alone.

Tad’s best friend, Pete, grows jealous of his seemingly good luck and decides to use www.JustJustice.mag himself. When Pete’s problem is solved with his father almost dying in a car accident, Tad decides that its finally time to find out more about the mysterious website. Before he gets a chance, Dan and his friends give him the painful reminder to leave Dorks alone. But Tad has no intention on obeying (Why?).

4 comments:

  1. Thanks a lot for helping me out, Cynthia. It's always great to see what other people think - and so helpful!

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  2. It sounds like a really awesome book! And the name Dorks is the best EVER.

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  3. I really like the premise of this story which, as I understand it, is a website with a paranormal element to it whereby people who tell their problems to the website find those problems getting solved in mysterious ways, but possibly ending up causing more problems then they started with. And I love the name Dorks.

    My only real quibble is that I find the synopsis a little hard to follow. There are a lot of characters mentioned. I might try to focus a little more tightly on just the MC, and maybe Jenny since she's the weird paranormal element (she's dead, right?)

    But I think it's a great idea! Good luck with it!

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  4. Thanks for the help, everyone.
    Susanna - Yeah, Jenny's the dead one.
    I have to admit, this is the first synopsis that I've ever written, and I didn't really know where to go with it. But thanks for your tips... they're definitely helpful!

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