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Monday, November 21, 2011

Stand Out Synopsis/Query! YA Thriller by John Sankovich


I'm happy to announce yet another entry for our Stand Out Synopsis/Query.  This is great guys, keep them coming!

Today we have John Sankovich with his YA supernatural Thriller.  I have to say after reading, I think he has something here.  I have posted John's query as I received it, I am putting my red comments below this one so you and John can see the changes I made. 

Please, please add your comments in the comments section of this post.  I know if it were your post, you'd love to see what people have to say.  Okay then, now for John's query:


Sixteen-year-old Rebecca Stevens has come to terms with the fact that people want her dead. That her brother is included in that group is a little harder to swallow.
Using her emerging gift of telekinesis to stop a mini-market robbery, Rebecca unknowingly starts a war between two factions. The Followers are an organization of people who use their varying paranormal powers to oppress anyone not like them. Trinity, a group of citizens, who recruited her brother, formed to combat The Followers, and imprison everyone with supernatural powers including Rebecca. Then her father goes missing, and Rebecca must find him before The Followers do, since they believe he is the only person to know where their long lost leader, The Collector, is. As conflict erupts in her small town, Rebecca needs to find people she can trust when everyone is trying to kill her.
After Rebecca learns about the mystery of The Collector’s disappearance, and her father’s connection to it, Rebecca gathers her own gifted allies, struggles to save her father, reunite with her brother, and stop The Followers. If she fails than everything she holds dear will be destroyed.
THE GIFTED is a 90,000 word young adult supernatural thriller. I have an English degree from San Francisco State University.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
John Sankovich


Now my changes:

Sixteen-year-old Rebecca Stevens has come to terms with the fact that people want her dead, that her brother is included in that group is a little harder to swallow.

Using her emerging gift of telekinesis to stop a mini-market robbery, Rebecca unknowingly starts a war between two factions. The Followers are an organization of people who use their varying paranormal powers to oppress anyone not like them. Trinity, a group of citizens, who recruited her brother, formed to combat The Followers, and imprison everyone with supernatural powers including Rebecca.

When Rebecca learns about the mystery of The Collector’s disappearance, and her father’s connection to it, she must find her father before the Followers do. Rebecca must find people she can trust to gather her own gifted allies, struggles to save her father and reunite with her brother. With the Followers leader, The Collector missing, and Rebecca’s father the only one who knows where he is,  If she fails than everything she holds dear will be destroyed.


Then her father goes missing, and Rebecca must find him before The Followers do, since They believe he is the only person to knows where their long lost leader, The Collector is. As conflict erupts in her small town, when everyone is trying to kill her.
, and stop The Followers.

THE GIFTED is a 90,000 word young adult supernatural thriller. I have an English degree from San Francisco State University.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
John Sankovich

4 comments:

  1. The query is good, and I have to agree with Cynthia's changes. Good Luck!

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  2. I LOVE this! I would totally read this book. Those first two sentences are amazing! Great hook.

    Just one thing-- "If she fails then everything she holds dear will be destroyed."

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  3. John - I think you have a great idea here! Good luck with it!

    Cynthia - I love how you've tweaked John's synopsis. I think it's much stronger now. Only thing (aside from Peggy's comment :)) is that I would leave the first two sentences as two sentences, not push them together.

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